


Strays

by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)



Series: Ancient Warrior Bucky [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adopting Animals, Alternate Universe, Ancient Warrior Bucky, Archaeologist Tony Stark, Bucky's Army of Stray Cats, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaqen_hgar/pseuds/Finely%20Honed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="small">Prompt: Imagine Bucky bringing home stray animals and Tony not knowing how to react.</span>
</p><p>Rhodes placed a hand on Tony’s shoulder as they stood in his foyer and said, earnestly, “We’ve been friends a long time, so I know you won’t take it the wrong way when I say—as your friend—your boy is <em>crazy</em>.”</p><p>Tony had both of his hands on his face, and was staring in abject horror at a crocodile that had just wandered in to greet them as they walked into his home.</p><p>“This is so much worse than I was expecting,” Tony said, sounding completely in shock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strays

Rhodes placed a hand on Tony’s shoulder as they stood in his foyer and said, earnestly, “We’ve been friends a long time, so I know you won’t take it the wrong way when I say—as your friend—your boy is  _crazy_.”

Tony had both of his hands on his face and was staring in abject horror at a crocodile that had just wandered in to greet them as they walked into his home.

“This is so much worse than I was expecting,” Tony said, sounding completely in shock.

When he’d gone to the airport to pick up one of his oldest friends, Tony had decided it was best to leave Bucky at home. The introductions were going to be weird enough as it was without Rhodey being subjected to Bucky’s idea of helpful driving tips.

“No one abides by your silly road rules anyway,” he’d said the last time they’d gone for a ride together. “I don’t see what the problem is.”

“The  _problem_ is that it’s dangerous and illegal to run cars off the road just because they’re in your way!”

“Ooh, go between those two!” Bucky suggested, ignoring him entirely.

Which is why Tony had opted to leave Bucky at home.

Everything was going great right up until his phone vibrated in his pocket, indicating he’d received a text message. Since he was a responsible—well, as responsible as someone driving forty miles over the speed limit could be—person, Tony said, “Rhodey, can you check that for me?”

Rhodes fished out his phone and made a strange noise. “Someone named, ah,  _fuck pants_  sent you a bunch of those little emoji things.” Tony felt himself blush and tried to snatch his phone back, swerving a bit in the process. “Eyes on the road, I don’t feel like dying today.”

“Just, uh, okay, which ones?”

This was his own fault, really. Last week he’d made the mistake of showing Bucky that, in addition to taking pictures of Tony’s ass, Bucky could also use his phone to send messages. While he’d bothered with actual words the first few times, as soon as he discovered the alternate keyboard, he’d switched over entirely to emoji-only conversations. Usually while in the room with Tony, so he could watch them get read and laugh over Tony’s reactions.

Which, stupidly, secretly, Tony actually thought was adorable.

Of course, at the moment it was embarrassing. As was his impulsive decision to change Bucky’s name to ‘fuck pants’ in his contacts. The only way it could get worse was if Bucky picked that minute to call and Rhodey got to hear the custom ringtone Tony had picked out for him—yeah, it was the hook to Nelly’s  _Hot in Herre_.

“Right. Looks like, um, heart eyes, crocodile, heart with arrow through it, prayer hands, present, thumbs up, closed fist, rocket,  _splashing_ … okay, nope, I am  _not_ reading your boyfriend’s cryptic dirty text message to you.”

This time he handed the phone over, and Tony scanned the message.

He got the dirty bit loud and clear, but the crocodile part hadn’t made sense until walking into his house only to come face to face with one.

“Bucky!”

“I’m guessing the crocodile is new?” Rhodes asked.

“Yes, it’s new,” Tony hissed, whirling on him. He took a step back when the crocodile whipped his head around and glared.

A moment later, Tony heard the soft padding of bare feet, and then Bucky sauntered into the room followed by seven cats of varying shapes and sizes. Tony wasn’t sure whether or not to be concerned that this seemed entirely normal to him now. He was less concerned with the cats and more counting himself lucky that Bucky had dressed, even if he’d opted for a white boho skirt and an old t-shirt of Tony’s with the word BRAT emblazoned across the chest.

“Looks like you met Sobek,” Bucky said, walking right past the creepy, glaring croc as if the thing was just another stray on just another day.

Tony groaned, because if the monster had been given a name that more or less meant he was doomed. “I’ve only been gone three hours!”

“Don’t be rude, introduce me to your friend.”

“Rhodey, this is Bucky, Bucky, Rhodey,” Tony grumbled, waggling his hands between the two of them. He opened his mouth to ask more questions, but Bucky placed a finger over his lips to silence him.

“Tony speaks of you often,” he said, shaking Rhodey’s hand. “Nice to put a face with the name.”

Tony watched the way Rhodes was scrutinizing Bucky and felt himself start to panic. Pepper had been one thing, this was something else entirely. Ever since his colossally bad relationship and even worse breakup with Tiberius Stone, Rhodey had become Tony’s very own self-appointed over protective ‘boyfriend material’ screener.

Not that he’d had much work over the years. Throwing himself into his and his Uncle’s work meant Tony had had little time for love, which also meant little chance of having his trust betrayed again, and his heart crushed into dust.

Rhodes had taken in the outfit, the long hair swept up and back and braided out of the way, the flashes of gold at his neck, and wrist, and ankle, and then the big, shiny, hard to ignore, and completely magnificent golden prosthetic arm. His eyes narrowed. Which wasn’t good.

“Yeah, same here,” Rhodey said. “I feel like I already know you.”

They were still shaking hands, this was bad, neither of them was letting go. Or blinking, or breaking eye contact. Rhodey was doing that thing where he channeled his inner Air Force badass and somehow managed to look taller than his actual height of 5’8”. Meanwhile, Bucky only relaxed further, his languid posture seeming to say, “nice try, but I could still kill you with my pinky, so I’m not impressed.”

Tony could feel everything unravelling and it was only five minutes into the visit!

But then the two of them nodded to each other and finished the handshake, and there was Bucky, sidling up to him like always, sneaking his fingers up the back of Tony’s neck and into his hair, knocking his hip against Tony’s own, and  _mmm_. The best kind of distracting.

There was a little chorus of mewling as the cats swirled around Tony’s ankles, rubbing up against him before sauntering away again. Which reminded him of strays, which led him right back to the crocodile in the room.

"We can’t keep it," Tony pointed out and Bucky’s scalp massage stopped abruptly. " _Please_  don’t make me list all the reasons why.”

"But Sobek likes it here," Bucky said and the crocodile hissed his agreement. "He’s already called dibs on the pond in the gardens."

"So why is he inside the house?"

"He wanted to say hello."

"Tony?"

Sobek began shuffling out of the foyer and Bucky gestured as if to say, “see, problem solved.”

"Noooo," Tony pleaded, but Bucky had The Look. The same look he’d had the first time he’d brought in a stray cat, and the second, and the  _third_ , and all the other times and other animals since then. He should have known it’d come to something like this.

"Hey, Tony?"

"How ‘bout we compromise?" Bucky suggested, smiling in a way that made Tony’s toes curl. "Sobek stays a week, and if you don’t love him by then we’ll find someone to adopt him."

"Tony, is that a  _jackal_?” Rhodey sounded uncharacteristically freaked out.

Tony grinned and whistled. “Oh, that’s Annie,” he said, scratching the dog behind her ears as she came running over to greet him. “Although, huh, I guess she looks jackal- _ish_? She’s a sweetheart.”

"When did you start running a zoo?"

"I’ll go make us some dinner," Bucky offered as he headed out of the room with a wave, effectively distracting Tony in the process. Watching him slink around, hips swaying ever so slightly under the shifting fabric of a skirt usually had that effect on Tony, though.

"Thanks!" Tony called, smiling after him. When he turned back around, Rhodey was watching him, arms folded across his chest. "What?"

"Are you serious? You  _know_  what!”

"Sobek will be gone in a week, it’ll be fine."

Rhodey narrowed his eyes. “Who  _is_  this guy?”

Tony swallowed. “What do you mean?”

"Pepper said he’s a writer," Rhodey said quietly, "but he’s some kind of soldier. Got quite the arm on him, too."

"Told you the prosthetic was, ah, unique." Tony squirmed and gave Rhodey a wan smile. "And he  _is_  a writer, he just also happens to be physically fit.”

Rhodey shook his head. “No, don’t even, I’m serious. I heard all your uncle’s stories, remember? Is this some kind of midlife crisis thing?”

Tony blinked in confusion. “Wait, what?”

"Tony, you have an Ancient Warrior Prince cosplayer running a zoo out of your house! What am I supposed to think? Please tell me you at least ran a background check on this guy."

Tony made an awful sort of squeaking noise, mouth falling open in shock. “You think I…” he groaned and hung his head, feeling like he wanted to drop through the floor with embarrassment. “Wow, thanks a lot, I’m not… This isn’t some weird role playing sugar daddy thing, Rhodey!”

Rhodey had the decency to look apologetic, at least. “Seriously, what am I supposed to think? You spend half your life obsessing over a legend with your Uncle, I get cryptic messages about how you think you’ve finally figured it out, and then out of nowhere you’re giving all that up and returning to New York. With some weird, secret boyfriend, might I add. Oh, and he looks like a fitness model and has a gold arm, how entirely normal!”

Tony made another squeaking noise, then hung his head. “Okay, when you put it like that, I can see it’d seem weird.”

“His accent isn’t exactly Egyptian, either.”

Despite himself, Tony grinned, and maybe even sighed, which was embarrassing. “Always did have a soft spot for the Brooklyn accent.”

Rhodey scowled. “Are you nuts? He doesn’t sound like he’s from Brooklyn at all.”

Tony opened his mouth to protest, but then thought of the translation juice Bucky had shared with him, and how it gave the person drinking what they expected to hear. He’d just assumed… but that would explain why Bucky had spent so much time studying English online, and why he refused to talk to people when they were out in the city, back when he’d first come to New York.

Distracted by this, Tony began to wander off to the kitchen in order to ask Bucky about it, when Rhodey reminded him he wasn’t alone.

“Tony, this is serious, the guy could be a mercenary for all you know!”

“Look, he’s a sweet guy with a strange arm. He takes in strays! What could be more harmless than that?”

“You came home to a crocodile!”

“Only a small one,” Tony countered.

Rhodey gripped the sides of his head with his hands and groaned.

+

“Where’d you learn to cook?”

“Tony taught me,” Bucky answered, dragging his thumb along Tony’s jaw and smiling affectionately. Tony grinned and Bucky smoldered, all while Rhodes glared.

“I don’t think Tony ever told me your full name.”

“It’s Bucky,” Tony heard, now convinced that thanks to the translation juice Rhodey was hearing something very different from what Tony heard, because his next question was, “So why’s he call you Bucky?”

“Why’s he call you Rhodey?”

They stared each other down across the dinner table and Tony laughed nervously.

“You were a soldier, right?” and Bucky nodded, which caused Rhodes to raise his eyebrows in Tony’s direction. “Where were you stationed?”

Bucky shrugged. “Lots of places. That was a long time ago, though. I’m a writer now.”

Tony stuck his tongue out at Rhodes.

Rhodey had another sip of wine, another mouthful of food, then asked, “So, Tony, how much does it cost to have gold plating put on a prosthetic arm?”

Bucky wiped his mouth and smiled dangerously. “This isn’t plating and it predates Tony,” he answered, “by quite a bit, actually.”

And then, because it was Bucky, he reached over, applied pressure at the necessary spots, and with a strange series of hisses and clicks, the arm detached from the socket. He held it aloft with his right hand for a moment, still not breaking eye contact, then set it down on the table, and went back to eating.

Tony punched his leg under the table, and hissed, “What’re you doing?”

“Your friend doesn’t like me!”

“Sure he does, don’t you Rhodey?”

But Rhodes had started examining the arm. “It’s  _solid gold_? That doesn’t make sense, how the hell does it even work?” He went to lift it and his eyes widened at the weight.

Bucky snatched it back up as if it weighed nothing at all, popped it back in the socket, the prosthetic hissing back to life. Arms now folded across his chest, he gave Tony the Ancient Warrior Puppy Eyes. “I don’t like him. He’s mean and you never told me he was handsome.”

“Aww, don’t be like that.”

“He wants you for himself.”

Tony laughed, because he was a lovesick idiot, and found it incredibly endearing when Bucky got jealous. “You also think the mailman wants me for himself.”

“What’d he say?” Rhodey asked, pointing at Bucky. “And what language is he speaking?”

Annie picked that moment to begin begging under the table, which distracted Bucky completely from his sulk. He grinned and grabbed a piece of chicken with his golden hand, holding it up so she’d beg and snatch it out of the air, and Tony had to admit that her profile  _was_ very reminiscent of a jackal.

Two of the cats figured if the dog was going to interrupt, they weren’t about to be left out, so they hopped up onto the table and began exploring. Then the pot bellied pig wandered in…

“Tony?”

…followed by a cat Tony hadn’t seen before. Only, upon closer inspection, it didn’t actually look like a cat, because the tail was exceptionally long, and, “Bucky, what is that?”

“A genet,” he explained calmly. “I couldn’t take Sobek and leave his friend behind. He’s beautiful, so I named him Antony.” Antony hopped up onto Tony’s lap and preened; he had to admit, it  _was_ pretty cute. “See, he already likes you.”

“Aww, yeah he does. Don’t you?  _Don’t you_?”

Rhodey threw down his napkin. “You need an intervention.”

“Oh, lighten up, sour patch, it’s fine.”

“This isn’t  _fine_ , this is insane!”

Bucky laughed and slung an arm around Tony’s shoulders, “I changed my mind. I  _like_  him. Look how much he cares about you.”

“Tony, who  _is_  this guy?” Rhodes asked, jumping to his feet.

“Fine! He’s the  _actual_ warrior prince, okay? I accidentally resurrected him and now he’s my boyfriend.”

Rhodey gawped for a moment, then looked at Bucky, who shrugged and nodded, and scratched behind the ears of their jackal-dog with his golden fingers.

"I hate you," Rhodey said, pointing at Tony, "because crazy as that sounds, I  _actually_  believe it.” He pushed one of the cats out of the way and went back to eating his dinner.

Bucky grinned and leaned over to whisper in Tony’s ear. “Can we keep him?”


End file.
